You can only give away what you already have inside yourself.

True giving happens when you are overflowing from the inside, and cannot help but share. When there is so much love within you that it has to flow to others or you would burst open. There is no thinking involved, no willpower in such sharing. It just flows out. If you have to force yourself to be kind, to love, to feel compassion, you've missed the first step of filling in your own self with these emotions.

My heart is on fire~ Rumi

My heart is on fire
In my madness I roam the desert

The flames of my passion
devour the wind and the sky

My cries of longing
My wails of sorrow
Are tormenting my soul
You wait patiently
Looking into my intoxicated eyes
You accept my passion
with the serenity of Love
You are the Master of Existence
One day I shall be a Lover like You...
~ Rumi

Plead guilty, beautiful stranger, plead guilty.

It is all your fault.

Completely...

Absolutely...

Let me explain why. 

I had been visiting that place for many years, regularly.

I would always be busy doing my own thing.

Loiter here and there, happy and content...

Then, that day, when there were thousands of people

milling around and I was just one of a crowd,

I felt the weight of a stare, I looked up...

Straight at you, even though you were at a distance.

You were looking at me,  your expression was surprised 

yet you looked as if you knew me, were happy to see me.

I was livid with you for noticing me.

Because what I felt in that instant, was going to be with

me for the rest of my life and even beyond.

In that one look, I was yours. My heart, mind, body and soul

belonged to you, because I recognized that they

always had, from eons, from the

beginning of the beginning... we had always been one.

You had absolute power over me! How terrifying it is to realize that someone

has this kind of power over you. Yet, how heart achingly lovely

to also know that this power would never ever be abused.

If you had not said a word, just walked up to me

and held out your hand, I would have clasped it and let you lead me

wherever you wanted to go. I would have been content to walk with you FOREVER.

And that is also the reason why I have never looked at you again.

Directly. 

I visit that place as before as do you.

I am aware of your presence more than even the reason why I am there.

I know you feel me too. Our expressions are straight faced.

I see you from the corner of my eyes, walking, smiling, talking to people.

Sometimes, I see your hands and they move me. They feel strong, powerful yet so gentle as if they would hold a new born babe like a soft cloud. They feel like as if anything held in them would remain safe and be alive forever. I want to rest my heart in those hands.

And so now you know why it is all your fault? Because you started it, you noticed me before I did. And now I am done for! 

And I don't even know your name!

Plead guilty, beautiful stranger, plead guilty.

And then I surrender to it....

Tonight I ache.

With every beat, every breath, every blink.

But I’m not sad.

Not hurting.

Not broken.

Oh no, on the contrary.

I’m full of love.

The kind of love that overwhelms you, threatens to break your heart with its magnitude. Pushes into your field in waves, gently coming and going like the tide. Though perhaps not so gently.

Surely I am too small for this love. Too fragile. Too brittle.

Surely if I let it all in I must combust.

Break into thousands of tiny pieces never to be recognised again.

Surely it must overwhelm me. Strip me of my identity. Have its way with me; leave me naked, broken and shivering in its wake.

My heart hurts with love. So much love it frightens me.

I can feel my fear pulsing with the beat of my heart.

Screaming out to me that I don’t deserve such love. That if I let it in it will just abandon me. Toy with and then tire of me, leaving me all alone.

I close my eyes and take a breath. Another. Another.

And then I surrender to it. To this Love.

Allow it to wash over and through me. Through my fear.

To take my heart. My body. My soul.

To break me wide open and have all of me.

And in that moment I understand.

Love is the answer no matter the question.

Love is the essence of our universe, the building block of our existence, the true nature of our beings.

It is there always, fiercely gentle, patiently waiting for us to accept its unconditional presence in our lives.

Love is remaining right where it is, holding us in its embrace until we are brave enough to invite it in.

Love has no prerequisites, no expectations, no stipulations.

Love just loves us no matter what.

Love will not abandon us, it is us who abandons it.

Thoughts about Soul Connections and Manifesting Dreams...

When your heart is calm, your mind is steady, and you have sought first the Partner Within, which is your Soul, then you will have reached a point where the need to be with another is a bitter-sweet ache. Don't try and suppress this yearning. It is perfectly natural and spontaneous. Express it to yourself, admit it to God/ Source/ The Universe...

This yearning is an integral part of your journey. You feel alive, you feel complete, you feel life force surge within you and you want to share it.

Just don't let it consume you. Put yourself in a place where you can "see" your longing... not BE it. This is to say be FINE with wherever you are

It has taken a great deal out of you to reach a point of awareness & clarity. You have suffered the pains of a huge awakening, to be one with your soul. Like a seed you were buried alive and you have broken free and sprung forth from the Earth to claim your place in the Sun.

What you seek is not someone to "complete" you but one to share your completeness with. There are no missing pieces of you that the other will bring and make you a better version of You.

No, there, now, will be three beautiful entities : You, Him/ Her and the WE that you create together.

No games will be played, societal conditioning can go take a walk, it will just BE : beautiful energy... love... simple everyday magic & miracles... holding hands, warm hugs, languid kisses, meaningful silences... Just LOVE..

Sounds blissful and magical!!!

BUT...just do not have an IDEAL because people live with an ideal Soul mate in their minds, and never get to really experience a relationship with anyone, because when they meet a person that might be a potential partner, they compare this person to the ideal in their head. The ideal in the head is not a real person, it is an ideal that will not be manifested. When you want to have a soul connection with a partner, you have to be willing to work with what the Universe offers you. 

In so many ways, manifesting your dreams will involve letting go of your dreams. Confusing, I know... read on...

When we have too many expectations, we block the flow in our lives as we are too busy rejecting things as they are not meeting our expectations... this becomes a vicious cycle of negativity and resistance. Life truly only flows when you are in the vibe of positivity and acceptance. Letting go of your dreams means letting go of YOUR IDEA of how it should be and be open to what the Universe wants to give you. To learn to play with potentials that come your way. Well, how do we get what we want then? Simple, just KNOW what you want... strip down to your very essence, shed your ego, shed the drama, break yourself open again and again till only YOU remain, standing naked in blinding light of knowing who you are, what are your boundaries, what you will and will not allow, what makes your heart sing, what your nature is...

Consider this simple example: For an apple tree dreaming of making apples, you can imagine that the Universe will grant its wish. Now the apple tree is completely aware of it's nature... so, it does not say I want to grow mangoes. That would be silly. It wants to, longs to grow apples, red, ripe, crisp apples because that is what the tree IS. So, apples will grow... some seasons not as many as the tree would have liked and other times, a bumper harvest. Be like the tree, long and ask for what you are, not what you are not.

Expressive intimacy

Put aside the instruction manuals. Your partner’s body is a unique landscape to be explored.

Explore it—with care and attention. With your hands, your mouth, your eyes.

Remove their garments. Slowly. Or urgently. It doesn’t matter, as long as you undress them.

Look into their eyes. Gaze unflinchingly, unashamedly.

Breathe fully and deeply. Synchronize your breathing. Inhale their exhalation. Allow them to inhale yours.

Ask questions. Answer honestly.

Tell them what you’d like in this moment. Or show them where and how to touch you.

Be real. Be vulnerable.

Kiss them. On the mouth, the back of their neck, their belly button. Light kisses. Deep and probing kisses. Kiss them until you both  tremble and cry out for carnal fusion.

Take responsibility for your own pleasure. Give gentle but clear feedback—through moans, words and movement.

Stroke their back, their belly.  Notice what makes them quiver.

Was that a sharp intake of breath? Oh, do that again!

Did I mention moaning? Moan. Softly or loudly—just make some noise.

Go down on them. Tease them with your tongue— create a hunger for a deeper thrusting.

But don’t go chasing orgasms.

Focus instead on mutual pleasure. When pleasure is all that’s sought and orgasms are experienced as a bonus, they often come more easily. More readily. Just, more.

Relax. Enjoy the delicious sensation of lying skin-to-skin with another beautiful soul. Languish lazily, draped in each other’s limbs, dipping in and out of love-making. Indulge in the moment. In one another.

Be yourself and allow your partner to be who they are too.

Be present—

in your own body and with the body next to you. Present and connected, love one another with all of your body and soul.

Hilda Carroll 

DOES YOUR MIND WANDER?

I am in the mood ...
I am in the mood for
expression, for emotion,
and for a light conversation.

I am in the mood ...
I am in the mood for learning
about you, for walking with you
and for BEING with you.

I am in the mood ...
I am in the mood for
Love and peace and
a better understanding
of what we all are demanding.

I am in the mood ...
I am in the mood to be
like a river, flowing free
and to be embraced by
the arms of the sea.

and now...
I am the mood for a cup of tea.


Lopamudra (1991)

Just found this poem I had written ages back.

The Song of Sadness

Sorrow prepares you for joy. It violently sweeps everything out of your house, so that new joy can find space to enter. It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of your heart, so that fresh, green leaves can grow in their place. It pulls up the rotten roots, so that new roots hidden beneath have room to grow. Whatever sorrow shakes from your heart, far better things will take their place.

It is you who has to believe in this eternal truth, with all your heart. Your belief and faith will give it power to manifest completely in your life.

So, whenever you are sad, sing a song!!

EGO -D

Are you alone today?
Do you seek a way...
to know, to find
somewhere in your mind
answers to what transpired...

Are you not inspired
by the strange turns of fate
which unlock the gate
of your closed heart
and so depart... your ego,
your pride and leave behind
only a shred of former glory...

All else swallowed by
LOVE... a powerful emotion
a never-ending devotion to
HIM!


Lopamudra (2001/2)

CONVICTION

A lone star shining on ...
spreading it's feeble light ...
in the all-pervading darkness
of this terrible night ...

A tiny flicker of life moves
in the deepest corners
of this heart, long frozen
to life ... itself.

A small smile ... lurks...
beyond... far beyond in
the empty depth of
these soulless eyes ...

And I carry on, sustained,
protected against the harsh
realities of this world that
threaten to break me,
they bend me, BUT
I spring back, strong still...

For I believe in me...
and I always will.

Lopamudra (2002)

Excerpt from The Prophet by Khalil Gibran

Let there be spaces in your togetherness, and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.

My favourite Urdu couplet

Raat yun dil mein teri, khoyi hui yaad aayi
Jaise viraane mein chupke se bahaar aa jaye
Jaise sahraon mein haule se chale baad-ae-naseem
Jaise bimaar ko be-wajaah quraar aa jaaye

Faiz Ahmed Faiz

रिश्ते

रिश्तों को सीमाओं में नहीं बाँधा करते
उन्हें झूँठी परिभाषाओं में नहीं ढाला करते

उडनें दो इन्हें उन्मुक्त पँछियों की तरह
बहती हुई नदी की तरह
तलाश करनें दो इन्हें अपनी सीमाएं
खुद ही ढूँढ लेंगे उपमाएं

होनें दो वही जो क्षण कहे
सीमा वही हो जो मन कहे

- अनूप भार्गव

I want you!

You need only yourself. Learn to love yourself as much as you can. Be complete. Let the yearning you feel for love be fed by your own S-ELF. And then...


Try and weed out the "I needs" in your life and replace them with "I wants".

Don't say I cannot live without you. 

Say I can live without you, I can be anywhere in the world, but I choose to be here, with you. 

What a beautiful way to tell someone you love them! Want people, choose them, let it be light, let it be joy, let it be a laugh, a smile, a warm touch, a making love that is fun.

Do you see the difference? It's subtle, yet huge. It is a whole paradigm shift. It is the difference between feeling null or feeling full.

Reflect.

Ramblings from 2008

I am alone today and I seek a way
somehow, if possible to stay...
alive...

Grief burdens my shoulders
and tells me to give up
give up all hope that tomorrow will be better
Its an empty promise that will never come true.

But then I see the sun rise every morning, the sparrows chirping while I sip my tea I remember sitting with Atul and doing the same...
surely Life is still flowing... and as long as I live, I know that I need to flow or I would become still water and we know that still waters run deep and stagnate. No, thats not how I want my life to be... I am a gurgling brook gushing over rocks...

For my room in my own house one day :)

A Tear And A Smile~~~ Khalil Gibran

I would not exchange the sorrows of my heart
For the joys of the multitude.
And I would not have the tears that sadness makes
To flow from my every part turn into laughter.

I would that my life remain a tear and a smile.

A tear to purify my heart and give me understanding
Of life's secrets and hidden things.
A smile to draw me nigh to the sons of my kind and
To be a symbol of my glorification of the gods.

A tear to unite me with those of broken heart;
A smile to be a sign of my joy in existence.

I would rather that I died in yearning and longing than that I live Weary and despairing.

I want the hunger for love and beauty to be in the
Depths of my spirit,for I have seen those who are
Satisfied the most wretched of people.
I have heard the sigh of those in yearning and Longing, and it is sweeter than the sweetest melody.

With evening's coming the flower folds her petals
And sleeps, embracingher longing.
At morning's approach she opens her lips to meet
The sun's kiss.

The life of a flower is longing and fulfilment.
A tear and a smile.

The waters of the sea become vapor and rise and come
Together and area cloud.

And the cloud floats above the hills and valleys
Until it meets the gentle breeze, then falls weeping
To the fields and joins with brooks and rivers to Return to the sea, its home.

The life of clouds is a parting and a meeting.
A tear and a smile.

And so does the spirit become separated from
The greater spirit to move in the world of matter
And pass as a cloud over the mountain of sorrow
And the plains of joy to meet the breeze of death
And return whence it came.

To the ocean of Love and Beauty----to God.

Silence is all I can say. ~Mevlana Rumi

A spirit that lives in this world
and does not wear the shirt of love,
such an existence is a deep disgrace.

Be foolishly in love,
because love is all there is.
There is no way into presence
except through a love exchange.

If someone asks, But what is love?
answer, Dissolving the will.
True freedom comes to those
who have escaped the questions
of free will and fate.

Love is an emperor.
The two worlds play across him.
He barely notices their tumbling game.

Love and lover live in eternity.
Other desires are substitutes
for that way of being.
How long do you lay embracing a corpse?
Love rather the soul, which cannot be held.

Anything born in spring dies in the fall,
but love is not seasonal.
With wine pressed from grapes,
expect a hangover.

But this love path has no expectations.
You are uneasy riding the body?
Dismount. Travel lighter.
Wings will be given.

Be clear like a mirror
reflecting nothing.

Be clean of pictures and the worry
that comes with images.

Gaze into what is not ashamed
or afraid of any truth.

Contain all human faces in your own
without any judgment of them.

Be pure emptiness.
What is inside that? you ask.
Silence is all I can say.

~Mevlana Rumi

Moments and milestones…

I am not original in what I feel
Many have said it before
But it is the truth
So, I say it once more…

Happiness is in moments, fleeting.
You have to be aware and steal it
Or life will pull a fast one
And you will be left with nothing
But regret and repenting.

So, dear friend
Look for the moments in life,
Waiting, while you rush after milestones
Those are visible from afar…
The minor ones are there
Wanting you to come and share
The beauty that is in them
Stop for a while… walk off the road
Don’t worry it will always be there
Bury your feet in the grass
Let the breeze mess your hair
Smile at the sunshine making
Golden patterns here and there

A few lines...

Kisine aankho me aanso diye...
Tum paani samajh kar pi jao

Kisine ne gham ke saaye diye...
Tum hothon pe muskaan layo

Kisine ne zakhm-e-nasoor diye...
Tum auro ke liye marham ban jao

Yehi ek jeeni ki raah hai, dost...
Bas yun hi jiye jao


Attempted translation:

If someone fills your eyes with tears, absorb them as if water

If someone gives sorrow, let your face light up with a smile

If someone gives an eternal wound, be sure to soothe others

This is the only way to live, friend; Just keep on living