THE SHATTERING

Sometimes you don't get to be a Buddha.

Sometimes you just have to break. And feel.
You have to lose your precious 'spiritual awakening'.
You just have to be a human being, feeling.

Sometimes old pain resurfaces. Old fear. Sorrow. Trauma.
The searing ache of the abandoned child.
The rage of a forgotten universe.

And suddenly, all of your spiritual insights crumble, all the beautiful spiritual words by the beautiful spiritual teachers, all the concepts and ideas about awakening and enlightenment, and the pure perfection of pure untainted awareness, and the selfless non-self self, and the path to glorious futures, and the wise guru, they suddenly are all meaningless, empty words, second-hand drivel, and dead to you.

What's real, now, and alive, is the burning in the belly, the fire in the heart.
Unavoidable. Intense. So close. So present.

Sometimes you just have to feel. You have no choice.
And sense your feet on the ground.
And breathe into the discomfort.
And trust, and maybe trust that you cannot trust right now.
And take it moment by moment, by moment, by moment.

And know that nothing is working against you.

And awaken from your dream of how this moment 'should' be.
And throw away all your second-hand ideas about the path.

Sometimes your spirituality has to shatter,
so you can finally realise
this deeper spirituality
of feeling, presence, and feet-on-ground living,
and the sound of the birds singing in the distance,
and a total surrender to this one precious moment.

Sex as a Substitute for Love & Sex as an Act of Love : The sexual act itself is not enough to quench our thirst. The genitalia might rub against each other, but when there’s no friction between two people’s hearts, the spark of love can’t be ignited.

Love is so much more than bed gymnastics and the temporary pleasure that is derived from the short-lived experience of physical orgasm. Hence people’s obsession with sex: despite the amount of sex we have, most are never satisfied and desire more of it, because sex in itself is not what we truly want.

What we deep down desire is to love and be loved, and sex cannot substitute for that. Sex can provide only a momentary illusion of love by helping bring two bodies together, but it does not have the power to bring together two hearts that are distanced from one another. And as long as the hearts are separated, sex cannot offer us anything more than perhaps a glimpse of what we’re actually searching for.

When two hearts are united, however, sex takes a totally different form — it becomes an expression of love. Through sex, two lovers can communicate their being with body and soul — that is, with the totality of their being.

Having said that, for love to exist sex is not necessary — love can stand on its own feet, without needing the crutches of sex. But sex can become a love play between two lovers, an orgasmic dance where two persons celebrate together, sharing the experience of ecstatic joy.

Sex and the Transcendence of Self : Lost in the hug of the beloved, the self, in a sense, dies. The sparkling flame of love in the heart, along with the intense pleasure of the sexual act, leave no space for the ego.

When in love, the mind with its past and future, worries and concerns, dissolves. And that’s precisely what love is: the extinction of the self — that is, the disappearance of the boundaries between the I and you — the sense of belonging to a greater whole whose depths we can’t fathom. When this happens, we shine our brightest and feel at home with existence. Nothing is lacking — we feel complete and are not needy of anything. Desires and expectations stop torturing the mind and we accept life as it is.

As long as there’s no love between two partners, sex cannot be anything more than an egoistic act. Partners will be trying to control and exploit one another — to turn one another into their sexual objects solely for their personal gratification. Unconsciously, all they want to get out of sex is love, but love cannot be forced or demanded. Mistaking sex for love, and wanting to quench their thirst for loving connection through it, they become obsessed with having more and more sex, not realizing that they are trying to drink from an empty well.

‘Every single thing we consume is stored in our body.

Every thing you’ve read or watched that day, you’ve felt, you’ve thought, every conversation you’ve had... it’s ALL stored in our body.

Now some people have more energy flow in their body and they can let go of this junk easier. And for most of us it needs to be intentionally felt, meditated with, and processed to completion in order to be let go of.

This is not easily done in a 5 minute meditation session, although that’s a good place to start. In my own personal experience, it takes about 45mins-1 hour of somatic meditation a day to get clear again.

What we don’t let go of in the body ends up manifesting as unconscious and repeated patterns. It may manifest as an underlying feeling of discomfort, disconnection, or anxiety. In the modern world, tension stored in the body often manifests as compulsively checking our phone.

The body holds onto everything we didn’t feel, embrace and process fully in the present moment that we experienced it. Most of us do not meet life this directly because we are unconsciously afraid.

Majority of humans on this planet hold onto immense amounts of conscious/unconscious fear. Even if you think you don’t, I guarantee you if you explored your cells deeply you would find fear there. It’s just part of our animal nature.

If you want to change your mechanical, unconscious, patterns—go into your body.

If you want to change how you show up in the world—look at what memories and beliefs are stored in your body.

Your body is your biography and it determines your present state and future experiences.

The body is your karma and your guru. There is no hiding from your body. Your body knows.’~

There will always be something to distract you from knowing yourself. To distract you from deep. Internal. Work. It’s “them” is a powerful way to point energy or attention to an outside entity. External external external external. Never internal internal internal internal. Never inward. Recalibration. Honing. Grounding. Strengthening. Softening.
Hone. Deep. Into your purpose. Not to the reaction to the world around you. Hone deep into compassion. Into wholesome unconditional love. The world will be noisy........ the world will be noisy....... the internal world will feel noisy due to contamination from the external..... due to what we allow to influence our wellbeing. But eventually.... you will discover how composed your internal world would really be. Your home-base for soul soil. How durable. How strong. How fluid. How calm. How endlessly eternal your internal world would be. Embody the feeling. Ground the wholesome sensation deep into your DNA. Embody this way of discovered perception. Behave within alignment to your divine, composed, eternal, grounded, soul soil. Remove control or expectation to how the world should be. Become the world you wish to be. And perceive the ripples blend into the world around. Influencing. Moving. Beautifying. Healing. Bridging. Providing. And being.~

Today is a day when I would have seen you to my heart's content...
These past few months I have tried my hardest to forget you but its just not happening... your love is now my breath .

I love you with my ife, with every smile I give, with every hand I hold, with every life I touch... I touch you and your heart. If someone is happy in my presence I send it to you... all that I do I dedicae to you... I am lost in your devotion. I pray for your happiness, your safety, your wings, your soul... how I want you to be the best that you can be... how I wish that the love I see in you touches everyone you meet... someone asked me what is love... I know now love is not conidtional to being with someone or even have someone reciprocate your feelings... it is the sheer peace and relief and rest I feel in my soul when I think of you... it is how nothing else matters if you are before my eyes except me drinking your being, just seeing you quietly from afar... thats love... the willingness to break your own heart, the laughter with which you embrace the wall of fire, the faith with which you drink a cup of poison... it is seeing God in the face of the one you love... this bliss is a blessing and I am lucky to feel it.

I do know it would have been beautiful had we been together, but we are... we were and will always be.

I love you with all my heart and soul... be safe, be happy and radiate with life!