Sex as a Substitute for Love & Sex as an Act of Love : The sexual act itself is not enough to quench our thirst. The genitalia might rub against each other, but when there’s no friction between two people’s hearts, the spark of love can’t be ignited.

Love is so much more than bed gymnastics and the temporary pleasure that is derived from the short-lived experience of physical orgasm. Hence people’s obsession with sex: despite the amount of sex we have, most are never satisfied and desire more of it, because sex in itself is not what we truly want.

What we deep down desire is to love and be loved, and sex cannot substitute for that. Sex can provide only a momentary illusion of love by helping bring two bodies together, but it does not have the power to bring together two hearts that are distanced from one another. And as long as the hearts are separated, sex cannot offer us anything more than perhaps a glimpse of what we’re actually searching for.

When two hearts are united, however, sex takes a totally different form — it becomes an expression of love. Through sex, two lovers can communicate their being with body and soul — that is, with the totality of their being.

Having said that, for love to exist sex is not necessary — love can stand on its own feet, without needing the crutches of sex. But sex can become a love play between two lovers, an orgasmic dance where two persons celebrate together, sharing the experience of ecstatic joy.

Sex and the Transcendence of Self : Lost in the hug of the beloved, the self, in a sense, dies. The sparkling flame of love in the heart, along with the intense pleasure of the sexual act, leave no space for the ego.

When in love, the mind with its past and future, worries and concerns, dissolves. And that’s precisely what love is: the extinction of the self — that is, the disappearance of the boundaries between the I and you — the sense of belonging to a greater whole whose depths we can’t fathom. When this happens, we shine our brightest and feel at home with existence. Nothing is lacking — we feel complete and are not needy of anything. Desires and expectations stop torturing the mind and we accept life as it is.

As long as there’s no love between two partners, sex cannot be anything more than an egoistic act. Partners will be trying to control and exploit one another — to turn one another into their sexual objects solely for their personal gratification. Unconsciously, all they want to get out of sex is love, but love cannot be forced or demanded. Mistaking sex for love, and wanting to quench their thirst for loving connection through it, they become obsessed with having more and more sex, not realizing that they are trying to drink from an empty well.