Plead guilty, beautiful stranger, plead guilty.

It is all your fault.

Completely...

Absolutely...

Let me explain why. 

I had been visiting that place for many years, regularly.

I would always be busy doing my own thing.

Loiter here and there, happy and content...

Then, that day, when there were thousands of people

milling around and I was just one of a crowd,

I felt the weight of a stare, I looked up...

Straight at you, even though you were at a distance.

You were looking at me,  your expression was surprised 

yet you looked as if you knew me, were happy to see me.

I was livid with you for noticing me.

Because what I felt in that instant, was going to be with

me for the rest of my life and even beyond.

In that one look, I was yours. My heart, mind, body and soul

belonged to you, because I recognized that they

always had, from eons, from the

beginning of the beginning... we had always been one.

You had absolute power over me! How terrifying it is to realize that someone

has this kind of power over you. Yet, how heart achingly lovely

to also know that this power would never ever be abused.

If you had not said a word, just walked up to me

and held out your hand, I would have clasped it and let you lead me

wherever you wanted to go. I would have been content to walk with you FOREVER.

And that is also the reason why I have never looked at you again.

Directly. 

I visit that place as before as do you.

I am aware of your presence more than even the reason why I am there.

I know you feel me too. Our expressions are straight faced.

I see you from the corner of my eyes, walking, smiling, talking to people.

Sometimes, I see your hands and they move me. They feel strong, powerful yet so gentle as if they would hold a new born babe like a soft cloud. They feel like as if anything held in them would remain safe and be alive forever. I want to rest my heart in those hands.

And so now you know why it is all your fault? Because you started it, you noticed me before I did. And now I am done for! 

And I don't even know your name!

Plead guilty, beautiful stranger, plead guilty.

And then I surrender to it....

Tonight I ache.

With every beat, every breath, every blink.

But I’m not sad.

Not hurting.

Not broken.

Oh no, on the contrary.

I’m full of love.

The kind of love that overwhelms you, threatens to break your heart with its magnitude. Pushes into your field in waves, gently coming and going like the tide. Though perhaps not so gently.

Surely I am too small for this love. Too fragile. Too brittle.

Surely if I let it all in I must combust.

Break into thousands of tiny pieces never to be recognised again.

Surely it must overwhelm me. Strip me of my identity. Have its way with me; leave me naked, broken and shivering in its wake.

My heart hurts with love. So much love it frightens me.

I can feel my fear pulsing with the beat of my heart.

Screaming out to me that I don’t deserve such love. That if I let it in it will just abandon me. Toy with and then tire of me, leaving me all alone.

I close my eyes and take a breath. Another. Another.

And then I surrender to it. To this Love.

Allow it to wash over and through me. Through my fear.

To take my heart. My body. My soul.

To break me wide open and have all of me.

And in that moment I understand.

Love is the answer no matter the question.

Love is the essence of our universe, the building block of our existence, the true nature of our beings.

It is there always, fiercely gentle, patiently waiting for us to accept its unconditional presence in our lives.

Love is remaining right where it is, holding us in its embrace until we are brave enough to invite it in.

Love has no prerequisites, no expectations, no stipulations.

Love just loves us no matter what.

Love will not abandon us, it is us who abandons it.