LOVE'S ADVENTURE

We long for love as much as we fear receiving it.

We yearn to be seen as much as we bolt at the possibility of being seen.

We hunger for the deep embrace of presence, tender eyes that gaze upon us with understanding and empathy, as much as we try to escape that very holding. It's too intimate. Too risky. Too exposing.

Nowhere to hide. To be seen is to be loved. To be seen is to die. Love is danger. Or so we have been taught.

A battle rages in us. The unloved one longing to hide, and the one who longs for the thrill and risk of living. Contraction and expansion. Breathing, in and out.

Unconsciously, we are attracted to or repelled by those who treat us, speak to us, hold us the way our parents did or did not. We are drawn to those who can heal us, and sometimes drawn to those who cannot, or worse. We think we are falling in love with a person, and sometimes we are just falling in love with our own image of them, which has nothing to do with the 'other' at all.

We love and we lose our images of love. We rise and we fall. Our hearts soar and our hearts break into a million pieces. We seek security and find insecurity and we find security in that. We seek freedom and find the prison of our own programming and lose hope and then regain it.

Sometimes it takes courage to leave a relationship. Sometimes it takes courage to stay. Sometimes it takes courage to do nothing, today. Sometimes it takes courage to admit how much pain you are in.

Sometimes it takes courage to admit how happy you are.

Sometimes you take a step without knowing why, and everything only becomes clear in hindsight.

You can't get it wrong anyway.

We lose ourselves and we find ourselves. We give more than we can take, exhausting ourselves in the name of "love". Or we run as fast as we can, exhausting ourselves in our flight from "love".

"Will somebody see me. Listen. Hold me. Let me break..."

And the drama of love plays out. And as the play goes on we learn more about ourselves. We begin to see our blind spots. Our unconscious patterns come into the light of awareness. We realise our assumptions. Our childhood fantasies start to crumble. Pain that we never wanted to feel, we suddenly feel. Grief. Anger. Feelings of rejection, abandonment. We want to run, go back into the old addictions, the old comfort, and for whatever reason, we don't. We get curious. We start looking and stop thinking so much.

We begin to relate to ourselves. Treat ourselves like the greatest lovers that we are. The most fascinating and beloved creatures.

With each day, we begin meeting ourselves more deeply. Discovering who we really are. What we feel, and what we don't. What we want and what we don't. Learning to say 'yes' when we mean yes and 'no' when we mean no and if that hurts someone, giving them back their responsibility to heal. Learning that love is not all butterflies and roses and positive feelings. It is work, too. It is mess. It is pain and the courage to breathe through that pain into joy and expansiveness. Love asks us to become more and more real, more and more human, more and more conscious, less and less perfect. More self-aware and willing to feel. And to feel more. And to feel more. And more. And to let our hearts break sometimes. To not know, sometimes. To be bored, sometimes. To be blissed-out, sometimes. To be full of life. To sometimes not know what the next step is. And to take it, or not.

Love is not a feeling, a state, or an experience. It's not a destination.

It's this extraordinary Light that shines from within.

It's this radiant Knowing that never leaves.

It's the Joy of being alive.

We can know it together. We can know it alone.

We can remind each other of it. We can forget, too.

We can trigger each other and help each other get curious about those triggers. We can do that work, or not.

We can meet in love's fire. Walk together, or not.

Share our hearts. Step back. Step towards. Or stay where we are.

Learn to love the dance of it, the spontaneity, the adventure, the mystery, the immediacy and the intimacy of it and the running too.

Learn to unlearn what we knew and embrace the unknowing as new knowing.

And get more and more content with the unresolveability of it all.

More and more happy with the unhappy one, certain about the uncertainty, so secure in the insecurity.

More and more blissed-out at our lack of bliss.

More and more curious about what's here Now.

Less and less solid, more and more playful.

Less a seeker of love, more a giver of it, and a finder, and a Presence that invites others into the same wild joy.

This is Love's Adventure.

Yes, I am single!

Yes, I’m single. No, I’m not lying.
It doesn’t matter if the question is coming from family, my friend’s husbands or random strangers—it’s an inquiry that suggests that because of the woman I am, I should have been taken off the market long ago.
But, the thing is, I’m not looking to be taken off the market, just so I have someone’s arm to hold onto as I cross the street.
I’ve joked around and told people that not everyone can handle my flavor of awesome. I’ve said that I am too busy with work and my children to date. There have been times I’ve whimsically replied that whenever it’s meant to happen it will and cynical moments where I said well maybe I am meant to be single forever.
In truth, I’m single because I have lost the ability to settle.
I don’t just want company—I want to be wowed, and in all honesty I’m not wowed that easily.
The funny thing is, it’s not about what kind of car a man drives, nor is it found in his possessions, that he brags about, as supposed evidence of his character and worth.
No, what I am looking for can’t be found in any material things.
It’s found in the eyes of a man and in his heart.
The way he approaches the world and how his life is evidence of what he stands for. I’ve realized that I’m not after just any man—I’m only in pursuit of someone who burns as passionately as I do.
The fact is, I don’t really want a boyfriend.
I don’t need someone to play house with and pass the time until we eventually realize we want different things. I don’t need to learn any more lessons from dating different versions of the same man, nor do I need someone to reflect all of my daddy issues or self-worth back to me.
These lessons I’ve learned have not been overnight. This in depth and sometimes scary self-work has been done sitting by myself, learning that I am enough just the way I am.
I’ve got this. I’m not looking for a bargain basement kind of love.
I won’t be sifting through discount love in an attempt to have something, because I would much rather wait it out, do me, and be ready when someone of my caliber and energy level comes around.
I’m honestly single because I am a lot to handle—with colours that defy the logical and a taste that lingers upon the heart. It’s okay that I’m not everyone’s cup of tea—but what I am will be the right fit for someone who understands the complexities of my contradictions.
The question, “How can you be single?” implies that those asked are supposed to be taken, but maybe it’s the people who actually have their act together who remain single the longest.
Relationships aren’t just for pleasure but also for self-growth. Sometimes we need other’s help to teach us the lessons we are too blind to see. But other times the only person to explore our issues with is ourselves.
Because regardless of who it is, or how enlightened they may seem—we’ve all got issues. How they manifest themselves in our lives depends on what stage of awareness and healing we are in.
For a long time, when someone asked me why I was still single, it made me question my relationship status because I couldn’t just team up and date random people like so many seem satisfied with. It was as if something was wrong with me because I didn’t feel a strong desire to fill my social calendar with those wanting to take me to dinner or concerts.
But then I realized, it was because I had fallen in love with myself and my life—as is.
I enjoy my own company, and that of friends and family so much that the only reason I would accept an invitation by a prospective man is if I felt he could add something to my already full life.
I’m not living my life day to day, hoping for the best. No, I am here building my own empire in the sky, and the fact is once a woman has decided to build her own castle she isn’t looking for someone else to do it for her.
Does that mean I think I am superwoman, and that I can do everything on my own? No, not at all. But it does mean that I know the qualities I am looking for, not in a lover or a boyfriend—but in a partner. I want someone whose dreams are just as full as mine, who aspires to a life they can attain with hard work and dedication.
I’m waiting for someone who can match my strength. He will be strong enough so that I don’t always have to be strong. I’m not looking for someone to be like me, but to complement me.
Perhaps the biggest reason that I am still single is that I know exactly what I want.
I am looking for presence in a man. He’ll know how I should be spoken to and how to ignite a fire inside my belly. The fact that I don’t yet have this is okay with me because I do have faith that I will one day.
So, why am I still single?
Because I have decided not to accept less than what I deserve. I have learned that my worth doesn’t lay in the hands of a man. I wake up each day absolutely in love with my life.
Until the day comes when a man comes into my life and enhances what is already here, I will remain single because I’ve found myself. And that is more than half the battle of finding another.

Osho : On Love

"A mature person has the integrity to be alone. And when a mature person gives love, he gives without any strings attached to it: he simply gives. And when a mature person gives love, he feels grateful that you have accepted his love, not vice versa. He does not expect you to be thankful for it - no, not at all, he does not even need your thanks. He thanks you for accepting his love.
And when two mature persons are in love, one of the greatest paradoxes of life happens, one of the most beautiful phenomena: they are together and yet tremendously alone, they are together so much so that they are almost one. But their oneness does not destroy their individuality; in fact, it enhances it: they become more individual. Two mature persons in love help each other to become more free. There is no politics involved, no diplomacy, no effort to dominate. How can you dominate the person you love? Just think over it.
Domination is a sort of hatred, anger, enmity. How can you even think of dominating a person you love? You would love to see the person totally free, independent; you will give him more individuality. That's why I call it the greatest paradox: they are together so much so that they are almost one, but still in that oneness they are individuals. Their individualities are not effaced; they have become more enhanced. The other has enriched them as far as their freedom is concerned.
Immature people falling in love destroy each other's freedom, create a bondage, make a prison. Mature persons in love help each other to be free; they help each other to destroy all sorts of bondages. And when love flows with freedom there is beauty. When love flows with dependence there is ugliness.
Remember, freedom is a higher value than love. That's why, in India, the ultimate we call "moksha". Moksha means freedom. Freedom is a higher value than love. So if love is destroying freedom, it is not of worth. Love can be dropped, freedom has to be saved; freedom is a higher value. And without freedom you can never be happy, that is not possible. Freedom is the intrinsic desire of each man, each woman - utter freedom, absolute freedom.
So anything that becomes destructive to freedom, one starts hating it. Don't you hate the man you love? Don't you hate the woman you love? You hate; it is a necessary evil, you have to tolerate it. Because you cannot be alone you have to manage to be with somebody, and you have to adjust to the other's demands. You have to tolerate, you have to bear them.
Love, to be really love, has to be being-love, gift-love. Being-love means a state of love. When you have arrived home, when you have known who you are, then a love arises in your being. Then the fragrance spreads and you can give it to others.
How can you give something which you don't have?
To give it, the first basic requirement is to have it."