"A mature person has the integrity to be alone. And when a mature
person gives love, he gives without any strings attached to it: he
simply gives. And when a mature person gives love, he feels grateful
that you have accepted his love, not vice versa. He does not expect you
to be thankful for it - no, not at all, he does not even need your
thanks. He thanks you for accepting his love.
And when two mature persons are in love, one of the greatest paradoxes of life happens, one of
the most beautiful phenomena: they are together and yet tremendously
alone, they are together so much so that they are almost one. But their
oneness does not destroy their individuality; in fact, it enhances it:
they become more individual. Two mature persons in love help each other
to become more free. There is no politics involved, no diplomacy, no
effort to dominate. How can you dominate the person you love? Just think
over it.
Domination is a
sort of hatred, anger, enmity. How can you even think of dominating a
person you love? You would love to see the person totally free,
independent; you will give him more individuality. That's why I call it
the greatest paradox: they are together so much so that they are almost
one, but still in that oneness they are individuals. Their
individualities are not effaced; they have become more enhanced. The
other has enriched them as far as their freedom is concerned.
Immature people falling in love destroy each other's freedom, create a
bondage, make a prison. Mature persons in love help each other to be
free; they help each other to destroy all sorts of bondages. And when
love flows with freedom there is beauty. When love flows with dependence
there is ugliness.
Remember, freedom is a higher value than
love. That's why, in India, the ultimate we call "moksha". Moksha means
freedom. Freedom is a higher value than love. So if love is destroying
freedom, it is not of worth. Love can be dropped, freedom has to be
saved; freedom is a higher value. And without freedom you can never be
happy, that is not possible. Freedom is the intrinsic desire of each
man, each woman - utter freedom, absolute freedom.
So anything
that becomes destructive to freedom, one starts hating it. Don't you
hate the man you love? Don't you hate the woman you love? You hate; it
is a necessary evil, you have to tolerate it. Because you cannot be
alone you have to manage to be with somebody, and you have to adjust to
the other's demands. You have to tolerate, you have to bear them.
Love, to be really love, has to be being-love, gift-love. Being-love
means a state of love. When you have arrived home, when you have known
who you are, then a love arises in your being. Then the fragrance
spreads and you can give it to others.
How can you give something which you don't have?
To give it, the first basic requirement is to have it."
