My heart feels so warm and full and gentle and overflowing with love!!! I spoke to you for a few minutes!!! I looked into your eyes and felt such rest in my soul!! Every yearning every search every effort ends with your being!! My love for you touches every thing I do. It touches everyone I engage with... people say I shine, my smile is beautiful, they ask for the reason!! How do I tell them? Your name is a constant with each breath... when we have loving thoughts and good and pure intentions in our heart constantly, they radiate from our being!!! and so I emanate joy and love!!! I just want to hold your hand look into your eyes and tell you I love you. But you already know naa? I know you do.... I just do. Feel so silly and shy and happy that arre baap re he knows!! what would your hands feel like? rough? strong? warm? cool? One thing I know they will feel safe and mine mere haath!!! Haahaaaa oh the bliss of a broken heart!!!

 Aisa kyon hai? Why do you fill my heart yet empty it at the same time? Why does a glimpse make me come alive? Why do I start missing you the moment I see you? Why does your smile and only your smile make my heart sing? Why do I want to be a chowkidaar of your house so I can see you at least twice a day? Why do all my prayers start and end with a plea for your well being? Ah! The sweet mystery of love!!! I am blessed and blissed out to feel it!!! 

 Update: and I saw you!!! Today was such a happy day for me. There is such peace and bliss in being sure of loving another...that it doesnt matter if you are together or that the person even knows... your heart knows andjust a glimpse or few words exchanged fill you up. May all feel the madness of love! I LOVE YOU!

13th July: Recently, I looked at Death in the eye fought and came back... do you know why? Because I love you and the yearning to see you once more was much more powerful than the whisper of eternal rest! And I was rewarded with so many different pictures of you!

Teri Tasveer Mil Gayi with lyrics | तेरी तस्वीर मिल गई | Betaab | Shabbi...

dancing!!! such a lovely pic!! Keep smiling, my heart!! 

This song describes to an extent, my love for you! My heart does dance... It dances when I have imaginary conversations with you! When I hug my pillow pretendig it is your chest that I rest my head on!  even when I cry because I could never tell you!Lekin to kya hua? Woh pyaar to meri ragon me daudta hai aur woh jaaga aapko dekh ke! Peope tell me I shine and am beautiful. I smile because it is you and your name that is a constant chant in each breathe! LOL i know I am mad! Mad about you!!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4-HoKdW6j0 

 When I see you the world stops. It stops and all that exists for me is you and my eyes staring at you. There’s nothing else. No noise, no other people, no thoughts or worries, no yesterday, no tomorrow. The world just stops and it is a beautiful place and there is only you. Just you…

Why is it you and no one else? I dont know... I just know that my heart melts when I see you. All my fears, questions just fade away... I just feel SO happy to look at you and this thirst I know will never ever be satiated and I love this fact. This is  the bliss of love... and few people ever feel it. It is a blessing from above, a reward for lifetimes of searching, no amount of money, material possessions could ever replace this feeling. It is the light in my eyes, the spring in my step, the smile on my face... if I am beautiful, it is because of you, because I know you are here, in this world, and that is enough. 
And if by some strange quirk of fate, you ever read this, OMG if you read this!! Well, my first reaction is to run and hide my face in a pillow! Ah well, I would never know! So, just touch the screen and say She loves me... and you WILL feel my love caress you!

Thank you for being you. Bas mujhe dikhte rehna!! You are loved, adored by a mad broken heart!!!

 

Nobody has ever healed anyone.

A true healer simply remains fully present as the storm of healing rages, providing a safe field in which unfamiliar and intense energies can be felt, bound-up emotions can be released, and we can come out of time together, out of the drama and chaos of My Life, and breathe into our bodies, fall into our own being, reset, recharge, simplify, rest.

Healing is not a destination, nor a special power in the hands of a few. Healing means recontacting That which is already whole, beyond the healer and the healed - our true nature, simple and beautiful and ever-present.

 Another note... to send off into the ethers! Blowing a kiss in the breeze, with a hope it reaches you. I am so sure of my love for you that at times, I feel it radiates out of my eyes and weaves a golden web of the letters of your name around me. When my heart is so full and you come in sight, I hide my eyes from you...walk a little faster to avoid looking at you. This, a one sided love story is also love! I win everyday, I lose everyday! My ONE wish is for you to be happy in moments of joy, strong in moments of sorrow, and to let your kindness and compassion touch evryone you meet. I give you all the love in my heart for you to share with others, I do so silently, far away from you... sitting quietly in a corner.... saying your name, smiling and feeling my heart just burst with the bliss of a feeling one is sure of. What strength this surity gives one! Pls smile, shine and walk like a king! For that's who you are, in my eyes! Okay, madness expressed. LOVE YOU! Bye! Until next time! :) 

Wishing the one I love a wonderful 2023! Who except a broken heart will understand the bliss I live with!!! You are not with me... you don't even know how much I love you. But I do! and that is so beautiful... it gives me the strength to smile and shine, seemingly without reason, and I smile some more because I know the reason!  What I feel for you is beyond words, beyond expression. Just know that when our eyes meet... the world fades and a universe of bliss and blessings emerges. Stay happy, stay healthy.... wishing your life to be full of bliss and delight and abundance! For me, I just wish I see you once in a while! I LOVE YOU!!!

It's my birthday! And I got the best birthday present ever... your smile!!! Was it my imagination or did you smile when you looked at me? :) I was already head over heels and now I am heels over head LOLOL the bliss of being in love... the sweet sorrow of never being able to tell you, or to hold your hand or to give you a sweet kiss... just to love you silently, profoundly and forever... I would never change my fate for another... for in loving you, I have found my reason for life... I live with a constant smile and your name echoing in my heart! May I always get to see you the days that I do and to see you happy and healthy! Bas... 

 FOR THE ONE I LOVE!

Think of me when you're lonely, 

because with my thoughts,I will keep you company.
Think of me, when you need love,
because I have so much to give you.
Think of me when you need a kiss,
because with my lips I would give you so many...
Think of me at least a second in the day.
because I never stop thinking of you.

So mnay hands to hold, yet I only want to hold yours...

So many voices to hear but I want to hear just yours...

So many arms to be in, but I want to be in yours...

So many eyes to look into, yet I I only want to look into yours...

I could be in love with so many hearts... but I have lost my heart to you!

 “As fire is the test of gold, adversity is the test of men.” ~Seneca

Nothing will test your character more than a cruel twist of fate. Sometimes fate dictates that the only way is through the abyss. And the abyss is not gentle. Sometimes you must be burned by the fires of hell before you're vulnerable enough to feel the healing light of heaven.

In those times it is good to have a healthy disposition toward bad experiences. It’s good to employ a birds-eye view perspective on the overall adventure; to implement the overview effect on one’s life.

Sure, we would all rather have good experiences rather than bad ones. But true adventure is never just rainbows, roses, glorious victory, and slain dragons. Most of the time it's dark skies, hot thorns, dismal defeat, and bloody wounds. And it is perhaps even more adventurous because of that fact.

You have more to learn from a so-called bad experience than from a good one. When you’re able to learn from the bad experiences and embrace them as a vital part of the journey, you’ll be better prepared to transform the bad into the good and the lows will be seen as adventures that make the highs even more rewarding.

The few days in a year that I get to see you everyday have passed. I have gathered in my heart all the moments that I saw you. I sit by myself, listen to some cheesy songs close my eyes and boom! there you are! I am learning about the nature of love. Love is silent, love is patient, love is eternal and it is a devotion. Love will destroy it own self but never wish another to be hurt for it's fulfillment. It will wait for it's fruit, even when it sits in a desert. Love may wish life to be different for self but NEVER at the cost of it being difficult for the beloved. And that is my thought. My heart breaks everyday, I cry everyday because I miss you but mever a prayer leaves my lips that my love maybe fulfilled at any cost, without consideration of people that may get hurt. The way my heart & soul recognises you is something beyond my will... but what I wish for, what I think is something I can work upon... and I dream, of a moment, maybe soon, maybe in another lifetime... when the stars align and the Gods bestow on my love this moment... where you will be in front of me, a small smile on your lips and your arms wide open and I will, with all my love & trust, walk into them and we will be happy forever!! hahahaa the bliss & madness of being a broken heart!!! Majnu here! Laila where???  Be happy, be the best you can be!!! 

 Falling in love with someone just waking up one day and realising that there is another human being who you just adore, no forcing, no trying, no conditions, just love... just living even away from them even with them not knowing yet loving loving loving them with all your heart and soul. Maybe not your body but knowing who you are for how awesome is that? I see people in relationships who are just together just for the sake of it. I may not be in a relationship with the one I love... but I DO know who I love! 

It breaks my heart everyday yet it also fills me with life at the same time! Knowing I hold you in the most precious thought and intention, how much you your well being your smile means to me! I live with this love filling my heart... I kiss my own hands like they be yours. I smile at the whole world because I somehow want the warmth to reach you... you may not know and I dont even want you to now. But it makes me happy just to sit alone say your name and tell the air around me that I love him! In the eyes of this world, I am crazy! But I'd rather be crazy than compromise, I'd rather have courage and be alone than give in to fear and be with someone just because I dont want to be alone. And I am doing it, I am... shaking trmebling sometimes anxious with fear... I am doing it!

Slowly, this fear is leaving my heart... and love is taking its place. And it is all beacuse of you... the man I love! 

As the new year unfolds, I wish for you all that you desire... all your dreams coming true and for me juts wish me love just wish me courage.

I LOVE you!

 “A happy life is impossible, the highest thing that man can aspire to is a heroic life.” ~Arthur Schopenhauer

Happiness is not a given. It takes discipline. When the chips are down, and your back is against the wall, happiness is an action verb. Being happy is about collapsing into something primordial inside yourself. It’s surrendering to the primal howl of humor.

It’s a letting go of expectations and just being present with that innate, awe-inspired, drunken smile within. That place of inner-Zen, where your heart leaps over itself like a little red trickster god despite the worst the universe can dish out.

The most important truth is this: you do not need a reason to be happy. Happiness is unreasonable. It comes from bearing unhappiness with courage.

 “Impermanence is more than an idea. It is a practice to help us touch reality.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh (RIP)

The best way to meditate on impermanence is in solitude, away from the things of man. Because it’s only in solitude where we realize that we are never truly alone.

Solitude teaches us how everything is connected to everything else in a terribly beautiful dance of impermanence. It teaches us how nothing remains the same.

Impermanence doesn’t let you off the hook. Indeed, “the hook” IS impermanence. It drags you kicking and screaming into the profound realization that you are not merely a speck in the universe, you are the entire universe in a speck. Sure, it’s all so terribly fleeting. Nothing lasts. Nothing is permanent. You will die…

But not yet. Unless you choose to live a dead life. Meditating on impermanence puts it all into proper perspective.

But it will also break your heart. And that’s okay. It probably needed to break. Just put it back together again stronger than before. Everything is transient. Everything is fleeting. On a long enough timeline, reality is ephemerality.

Meditating on impermanence will teach you humility, which will teach you humor, which will teach you how to honor the flash-in-the-pan impermanence of your life.

 

 My greatest desire in all the world is to hold and be held,

to Connect with a capital C.

To heal and be healed.

To see and be seen.

To love and be loved----fully. Completely.

Here I am....shouting it out to the world,

to all who read or don't read my words.

To all who take the time to connect. Or not.

I want to love with a capital L.

I want to crack wide open all that stands

in the way of true Truth and true

Love and True Colors.

I want to to hold your heart in mine

like it is my own. Because, really, it is.

Will you let me hold your heart in mine

just for a minute

just for one beautiful breath

or two?

I so want you to know how deeply

how very deeply

I Love

every single bit

of colorful you..!

 Desire vs. Cherish

'To be wanted' is a universal thing. People are vulnerable to being desired. Desiring is so primal and over whelming and people want the bigness and brightness of it. Ordinary life does not really always co exist with desire. It is hard to keep up with anything intense when you have to work, pay bills and worry about your family all the time. In healthy relationships, cherish is what slowly follows from the sizzle. In a narcissistic relationship what follows is devaluing and discarding. Not cherishing.

To be cherished is to feel safe, to be valued and cared about. To cherish someone is to be aware of their needs in a way such that you meet people where they are at. You don’t push people to do things that are uncomfortable or rush them. You just take good care of them. To cherish someone means to balance your needs with someone elses. That idea of mutuality.

The fine art of cherishing and being cherished is something we should learn. It may look dull and unexciting but a relationship that starts off with cherishing, those are often relationships that stand the test of time.

Cherishing isn’t glamorous like cinema portrays it. Big proposals, big declarations of love, flying across the world so on and so forth. Cherishing requires, empathy, self awareness, valuation of the other person and the willingness to make adjustments for another person

So what does cherishing look like? It is listening. Really listening and shaping awareness around that. An example. You may share a vulnerability with me. I will attempt to ensure that that you’re kept safe in that vulnerability. Let us say you’re terrified to swim in the ocean, I don’t push you into it. I hear you.

Cherishing is making compromises without throwing a tantrum. It is about not pushing you in a way that feels uncomfortable whether, sexually or physically. Cherishing is about never weaponising your vulnerabilities. Cherishing is about not competing with you in a way because I feel threatened by you. Even if your success is eclipsing mine, I will still enjoy the fact that you are succeeding.

Now cherishing has to be a two way street because in healthy relationships, cherishing is mirrored. When one is a narcissist and one is a cherisher, the cherisher ends up as the care giver, and the compromise maker and the flexible one and the other party just keeps overwhelming you with big proclamations of love and may be some acrobatic sex.

In childhood not a lot of people are cherished and this carries into adulthood. It sets the tone to over value the intense dynamics of desire. Short lived moments that you have to always keep chasing. It starts to feel exciting when it comes along rather than the daily knowing that you’re important and special and cherished.

The dynamics of desire serves as a curtain that blocks us from seeing red flags that keep us stuck in an undesired space that is really hard to get out of. We all deserve to be cherished and we should all hold out for that.

On a day to day basis, cherishing is soft and quiet and looks like sweatpants and chicken soup and that my friend is the stuff of life and churns out relationships that are supportive and growth oriented for a life time

  Just so full of how much I love you that sitting and talking to you, haha knowing you will never ever know but also knowing that when we hold another just even in our thoughts with love and a wish for their joy, it reaches them... To start of... I love you. But just like the sun rises every morning to remind us of his love for us, so it is necessary to express when we love another. And sometimes, like in this case, one cannot express it directly for whatever reasons, just expressing it to one's own self gives it wings, and that is what I am doing giving my love for you wings so it reaches you, gives you a soft kiss and an inexplicable smile... without ever wanting to be known.

The time for you to know is gone... but I know how much I love you, how my one wish is for you to be happy and full of delight. How I want your life to be just all that you wish it to be! You just your being alive is my peace and relief! Oh the relief of knowing someone like you actually exists... someone kind, someone gentle, someone who feels like home and rest and love... someone who is a beautiful old soul... someone so deserving of all the love my heart holds. It is a sweet mystery of love that my happiness is you and even my tears are you and amidst both these emotions, my one constant feeling is that of gratitude. Grateful that God blessed me with the ability to see you. All my life it was like my heart was carrying a heavy burden. Now I know it was just love that hadn't found it's place. And now I am light and content because now I know who it was for. Yes I could never tell you... but I tell the stars, the moon, every bird that drinks water in my balcony, each tree that dances in the wind and share my love with he whole world... 

Sometimes I do wonder whether you ever think of me. And why my heart is yours when you barely know I exist...and what you would have said if I had been blessed with the opportunity to say I love you. It makes me smile and laugh at my silliness. I just want you to know that your smile, even if it is not because of me, is my delight and prayer... so till the next time, just remember you are loved deeply, simply, silently.