Last night, Maa appeared in my dream...

It must have been the wee hours of morning, the time when the birds start stirring with life... and the sun hangs low, waiting to bring the world to its feet once again. When she came and sat next to me, I felt the mattress dip and I woke up with a start and it was my mother, long gone from this world, looking as radiant and beautiful as ever. She was smiling yet looked anxious. I said "Maa, is everything okay? You hardly ever visit me..." and she stroked my forehead and said "I know the heartbreak you have experienced in the last few months. I am worried and afraid for you."

Tell me, my rabbit (her nickname for me)... tell me about him. I looked at her, lowered my eyes and said softly "Maa I love him. It is as simple and as beautiful as that. I have read about it and we even discussed about love in the books we read. I never thought I'd experience my soul actually be another's half... I thought it happens only in imagination or fiction. But it has happened to me. I love him with all my being, my heart and soul. I would give my life for him in a second, without thought if I just know it needs to be done for his happiness and peace. I see him, not just the handsome, soft yet strong man he appears to be. I see his heart, full of love and gentleness. I see the kindness in him. I see how he always puts others before him and has all his life. I wanted to be someone who puts him first. He is a beautiful and pure heart... and I cherish him. I adore him."

She nodded and said "But, child, he doesn't love you. He does not even know this." I said "I know and it's okay. Love does not want anything except the opportunity to be received, to be given. Anything that craves possession is a factor of our ego, Maa. I just wanted to be his strength, the way he would have been mine. I wanted to hold his hand and journey through life. I wanted to be a smile on his face and a reason for his joy. I wanted to love him and his family and just be grateful to be a part of such a man's life. But, sometimes, no matter how altruistic and pure our thought and intention maybe, life flows in another direction. We just have to accept it. It did feel like for a moment, that he sees me. But I was mistaken. It would have been a reward of many lifetimes to have this dream manifest... maybe I have to be more deserving of a love like this." 

She sighed and said "But have you thought of yourself? Your future?"  I smiled and said "You know me, Maa. I have never been someone who is worried or afraid about the future. I just go from day to day wanting to make the best of whatever comes my way. I have learnt that you cannot second guess or plan life too minutely. And being afraid of a tomorrow that may never come, only robs us of the joy in today which is before us."

She nodded and said "I could never make you worldwise. You were always my crazy little girl with a heart as vast as the sky. I could never make you be afraid of this world. I just wanted you to be happy, my little one. What about marriage? Who will look after you?" 

"Look at me, Maa... see how I shine? See my smile? Where do you think it comes from... a happiness, deeply rooted in my heart. I am blessed to have this heart. People get married, are in relationships are they all happy? Sadly, no. I am so lucky (maybe not in the eyes of this world) to have this love. At least I know the someone I really want is here, is alive. Even from afar, I know someone I TRULY want to pray for. How many people even couples, really love their partners so? They stay together for the sake of society and convention, yet remain unfulfilled in their being. See me, Maa, I am LOVE. I have this love that will sustain me forever. I will see him once in a while and if I see that he is happy and content. I will smile inwardly and sing a song. I will keep on meeting people with an open heart and mind and as for looking after me, see Him. He is my strength, no not the man I love... HIM. My divine father, who now, walks with me with every step. Maa, I trust HIM and believe me, Woh kabhi mera bura nahin hone denge. He knows the reason behind every sorrow and joy. I am now in HIS hands. You need not worry." 

She looked relieved and touched my cheek "Any regrets?"

I said "Well, not exactly regret but sometimes, I do feel sad that I could not even tell him, I really wanted to hold his hands and just tell him that I love him. This emotion sometimes falls from my eyes. It is just love that could not be expressed that flows as tears." 

She then held my close to her bosom and said "Make a wish, Lopa." 

"Maa, my wish is that in anyway, without creating any disturbance or ever being a frown on his face, may my love be his strength just the way it is my courage. And Maa, do this for me just one time, go as a soft breeze and ruffle his hair, caress his cheek, bringing him a moment of sudden relief and calm which he just feels and cannot explain."

She laughed and gently slapped my cheek and said "I will." 

A beautiful poem by Rumi.

I will be waiting here

For the grey sky to cry

For your suspicions to die

For you to really try

I will be waiting here

For the white snow to melt

For the roses to be smelt

For you to feel what I felt

I will be waiting here

For the moments to pass

For the memories to last

For you to break that glass

I will be waiting here

For the ships to sail on the sea

For the clock to strike three

For you to believe in me

I will be waiting here

For your silence to break

For your soul to shake

For your love to wake

~ Rumi

Life IS! You choose what to make of it!

LIFE IN ITSELF IS NOT MEANINGFUL It is meaningful only if you can sing a song of the eternal, if you can release some fragrance of the divine, of the godly, if you can become a lotus flower -- deathless, timeless.

If you can become pure love, if you can beautify this existence, IF YOU CAN BECOME A BLESSING TO THIS EXISTENCE, only then life has significance; otherwise it is pointless. It is like an empty canvas: you can go on carrying it your whole life and you can die under its weight, but what is the point? PAINT SOMETHING ON IT!

Meaning has to be created in life; meaning is not given already. You are given freedom, you are given creativity, you are given life. All that is needed to create meaning is given. All the essential ingredients of meaning are given, but meaning is not given, MEANING HAS TO BE CREATED BY YOU. You have to become a creator in your own right.

AND WHEN YOU BECAME A CREATOR in your own right, you participate with God, YOU BECOME A PART OF GOD.

Giving and Receiving Are The Same~

Choose to give something from your heart today. Don’t hold back the Divine urge to express the beauty of who you are: the reason you are here on Earth is to give of yourself unconditionally.
Your ego will try to convince you that you should hoard and retain your Light because it is finite and will dry up if you give it all away. You’ll be ‘done over’, 'cheated’ or 'ripped off’ if you are generous and extend your energy to others without thought of what you will get out of it - this is what the ego tells you.

In Spiritual Truth, this is an erroneous concept because Spirit says, “As you give, so you shall receive.” This means that the quality of your giving is mirrored exactly by how you then receive. If you are stingy, miserly and judgemental about how and what you give, you’ll find that you are on the receiving end of this energetic and emotional statement, too.

If you want to receive more, give more first. Those people who seem to receive a lot (not just monetarily, but emotionally, spiritually, energetically) usually have extended their energy outwards in a confident, generous and magnanimous fashion. This isn’t the same as just 'having a lot of money’, because some people have money but are not rich or abundant in their life force energy. They hoard and are stingy with their money even though they have a fair amount. This doesn’t bring them joy or spiritual contentment because they are not in the flow of their heart, and their money isn’t doing good in the world - it’s not circulating and bringing Light.

Your giving is always noticed by the Universe, and the universal Law of Giving and Receiving compensates accordingly without deviation. If you want to live a more abundant life in any sense, give abundantly of your love (which means your kindness, time, skills, gifts, energy) and it will create a force-field around you that magnetises what you have given back to you.

When you Love Someone you Can’t be With.

Each day I wake, having told myself I would not…that I would not hold on.

That I would let go of you—that when I wake, I’ll have let you go.

But this morning, like many mornings, I’ve awoken to the delicate whisper of your soul yet again.

I think, “D*mn it, I’m still in love with him,” relating to how I feel about someone so strongly despite the many feeble efforts I make each day to detach, let go and love without expectation. The moment he crosses my mind, it’s all over. The first glimpse of him each time and I’m falling again—falling for him all over again. He mesmerizes me.

This man who haunts my thoughts, desires and dreams—I can’t help the way I feel about him, and so often I’ve tried to discount these feelings and rationalize this behavior as love-lust or an infatuation, ignoring what’s real and passing through me in the present moment.

I’m cultivating love, and each day our lesson is to acknowledge it while giving it to the divine for transmutation and expression. In this case I cannot reach out to him and simply say, “I love you, I’m in love with you.” And sometimes that just burns me up is the need the bone deep need to just hold him tight and say that even if it is for a moment... let my heart empty itself of the love it carries around with his name on it. 

What am I to do about this very real, nagging feeling that occupies my mind, body, heart and spirit so often? We suck it up—remembering to love ourselves first and foremost because needing someone this way reminds us of how much we need ourselves too; that self-love cannot be relied upon from others for our own personal satisfaction and fulfillment.

Sometimes we simply need to be there, holding space—not making sense of it or trying to examine things too closely. Sometimes our heart simply wants us to stay put and to be there if or when someone needs us. Even if we’re thousands of miles apart, we can be there for them—in spirit.We need only think of them for a few moments, realize how blessed we are to know them and that our lives intertwine and separate for many mysterious reasons, of which we really have no genuine comprehension of.
It’s a miracle to even know someone on such a soul-deep level.

What are we to do when someone else’s heart drifts elsewhere?

We honor their space and respect their commitments while remaining steadfast to our own.

The man I imagine loving would do it for me, so I will do the same for him.

Sometimes the cultivation of love is meant to gestate over long distances and periods of time.

We can simply smile kindly upon this person we hold so dear to our hearts and whisper how happy we are for them into the wind.

I’ll even whisper, “I love you.”

Because I care—for reasons that cannot be explained. Because I just love him and that too cannot be explained.

The Embrace of Love

We hold each other. 
❤️ 
In allowing myself to be vulnerable, I awaken your stregnth and in absorbing your stregnth, I find my rest.
❤️ 
And suddenly life brings me back to appreciating the simple, the tender and the kind in you, my love. 
❤️ 
Suddenly my body and soul find home in your sincere hug, like a breath of fresh air, like sunlight warming my heart to my very toes. 
❤️
To be lost in those eyes, open and unafraid, windows to life and love and desire.
❤️
An unexpected caress, full of intent and appreciation for the seconds of skin connecting, so much more than skin.
❤️
Everything can be ok, in this embrace, I feel time stand still, and all the worries of the day simply breaking to bits.
❤️
And all I got for you is me, my sincere self, and I show you how much I care, how much you mean to me.
❤️
And in silence, we go back to basics, to tenderness, to simple and ever powerful Love.

TRAUMA

is the invisible force that keeps us running, restless, in pursuit of some intangible goal.
Caught up in some unnecessary activity.
Addiction. Compulsions.
Makes us escape into thinking.
Makes the body feel unsafe.
Makes the present moment into an enemy.

If we slow down. If we stop.
If we rest. If we simply do nothing.
Then we will have to face ... ourselves.
We will have to face buried feelings.
All the sh*t we were running from.
All the darkness. The gunk. The muck.
The loneliness. The boredom. The emptiness.

Trauma says “run!”.
Trauma says “stillness is dangerous!”.
Trauma says “Do Not Rest!”.

We have to start by proving to ourselves that it is safe to rest! Safe to be still. Safe to do nothing, just for a moment. Safe to think our thoughts and feel our feelings ...

... and not ‘fix’ the moment.

We can begin - one moment at a time - to digest all the undigested things inside. Stay with sadness for a moment longer. Be present with our joy. Breathe into our anxiety instead of running from it. Become curious about our discomfort instead of distracting ourselves with (unnecessary food, drink, cleaning, drugs, sex, shopping, Internet, thinking, talking, yoga, seeking, rumination, spiritual practice...)

We can begin to challenge the core story at the heart of trauma: That the present moment is unsafe. That the body is against us. That feelings are dangerous.

That stillness equals death and destruction.

That we have to ‘do’ something in order to be worthy, and loved, and safe, and whole.

It takes courage to stop running.
It takes courage to lean into the storm.
It takes courage to touch the darkness inside with the infinite light of our curious attention.

It takes courage to break the addiction to future.

And be here now.

And breathe.

And not know.

Seek to understand, for with understanding comes acceptance, peace, and – in many instances – love. We cannot hate what we understand.

Remove the ego. Everyone you meet, every person who makes you smile, dance, cringe, swear, and scream, each one is simply trying to get through the day the best way she knows how. Each is striving to become the person he wants to be. Each is working to live the life she wants to live. Whatever pain anyone in your life may cause you, remember this: It isn’t personal. It is simply a product of that person moving through his life in the best way he can right now.

Forgive easily. Even if the other person doesn’t ask for it, want it, or accept that forgiveness may be needed. (This extends to your past selves as well.) Forgive for others, but most importantly forgive for yourself. Anger, resentment, distrust, jealously – these are all negative emotions that hurt only the person carrying them. Do not let that person be you.

Embrace boundaries – your own and others’. Boundaries are what keep us healthy and engaged with each other. They ensure we invest enough in ourselves to have plenty left over to invest in the people we choose. They help guide us in reserving our energies for people and projects that reward, inspire, and encourage us. They keep romantic relationships alive by helping each partner retain his or her individuality – that spark of self that attracted their mates in the first place.

Be who you are. We are all flawed; this is part of our brilliance. Love your flaws. You are the only you that has ever been, the only you that ever will be. You have unique gifts to offer the people you meet and the world in which you live, and these gifts are inherently tied to your individual perspective.

Regret nothing. Each moment of your life – each choice you have made and experience you have encountered – has shaped you into the person you are, right now. If you don’t like where you are or who you are, work on loving yourself harder and creating the version of yourself and life you want. If you’re happy, be grateful and know that everything in your life happened exactly as it was meant to happen.

Pay attention to how things make you feel. At its essence, life is a subjective experience. It doesn’t matter what you have, who you’re with, what you look like, how much money you make, or what you do for a living, if you’re not getting positive emotions from those things, people, and events.

Recognize that time is your most precious commodity. None of us knows how many years, months, days, hours, or minutes we get. Make the most of each one. At the end of your life, if you’re granted a final moment to say good-bye, it will be time – not money, status, fame, or belongings – that you’ll appreciate most. Do the things that bring you joy now.

Time.

We often perceive that there is so much of it for most of our lives, but the reality is that time is always running out on us. And we have no idea when our personal time will be gone.

That's why there is no time to wait to embrace love, to follow our hearts, to learn to listen to our soul's deepest callings, and follow the spiritual path. There may not be time for it in 10 years or even 10 minutes.

With life being as precious as it is, avoid the trap of delaying what matters to you, and go towards your truth today.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Saying, "No," to what you want.

It's a sad truth that many people will say, "No," to the very thing, person, situation, or something else that they want. Right at the cusp of attaining a heart's true desire, the ego wrecks the party. And the person says, "No," to the new deep love connection. The person says, "No," to the dream job. The person says, "No," to the vacation they've always wanted. People say, "No," in a myriad of ways.

But the answer here is not just to say, "Yes." The answer is to understand the ego. The answer is to go towards the part of you saying, "No," and to look at the fears and attachments that created that response. That is where your spiritual work is, and if you do it, then the next time something that truly matters to you arises, saying, "Yes," is effortless.

What you seek, seeks you too! Your thirst for Him is His thirst for you!

Longing itself is Divine.

Longing for worldly things makes you inert.

Longing for infinity fills you with life.

When longing dies, inertia sets in. But longing also brings a sense of pain.

To avoid the pain, you try to push away the longing. The skill is to bear the pain of longing and move on. Do not try to find a shortcut to overcome longing. Do not make the longing short – that’s why it is called loooonging. True longing in itself brings up moments of bliss. That is why in ancient days longing was kept alive by singing and listening to kathas, or stories. When longing transcends relationships, then judgments, jealousy and all negative feelings drop. It is only with wisdom and self-knowledge that you can transcend relationships. People often think wisdom is devoid of longing – no! Such wisdom is dry. The longing that comes with true wisdom makes life juicier.

The Divine is certainly juicy! Longing gives you the power to bless. Bless the entire creation for the longing in you is God. 

Fall madly, completely, utterly in love... never fear the dynamics of bliss that flow through you... dont close yourself, don't hide behind denial, be balanced and conscientious, be honest and be motivated with the intention to bring joy to others, your light shines in the world... never be afraid to nourish with your love... smile, rejoice, dance with Him... let your celebration of all that Is heal the world!

YOU ARE NEVER FAR FROM HEALING

You are never far from healing,
for healing is not a destination.
It is more like a remembering;
a constant invitation.

It is like the Sun; always there,
yet sometimes hidden
by innocent clouds.
When you feel far from healing,
when doubt rages, and sorrow fills your being,
and pain stings and burns;
when yesterday's joys seem so far away,
and tomorrow's happiness is a distant fantasy;
when you feel like you're living the wrong life,
and nothing seems possible,
stop, just for a moment.
Bring your attention out of past and future.
Invite curiosity into the moment.
Into the body, the breath.
This living scene. This day, this hour.
What's it like to be alive, just for a moment?
Can you feel your feet on the earth?
Can you feel your belly rise and fall?
What if you're not far from healing?
What if you're not actually broken?
What if healing IS presence?
This timeless sense of being alive?
What if the future is unknown, and your fears are all in your mind?
What if the Sun never stops shining,
even as the storm rages?

I’d like to lie with you
and for each time we undress to marvel at the newness
of each other’s skin
To be the lovers that drink up love
Like they’re starving
Tasting stars and drinking moonlight
I’d like to kiss you when the moon is full, or new or a quarter
It doesn’t really matter
I just want those lips
I’d like for it to rain
And listen to the tink tink
As I count stars
Or for it to not rain and be sunny
I’d like to hold you,
Not because I’m cold
But because I want to lie beside you
I’d like to love you when the sun comes up
To bathe in our light
To drink coffee tangled in a messy joyous heap
I’d like to make raspberries on your back and tickle you till you shove me off the bed
I’d like to start the day laughing
And I’d like to make love to you
Right there
On the floor
For my sole intent is to drink your existence.

Being Single Is Better Than Being With Someone Whose Soul Doesn’t Match Yours

It is okay to wait for the right person for you. There is nothing wrong with being single. Actually, it is one of the best things that you can do for yourself. You become stronger and stronger because you are responsible for every aspect of your life... there is no pressure on another to complete you or to make you happy. 

When you are in a relationship out of loneliness or boredom, or pressure from the world, please know that you are wasting precious time. Yours and the other person's... when you "settle down" with someone who doesn't make your heart sing and your soul soar... you block the potential for true love not just for yourself but for the other person as well.

Real love does not come easy and often. You can’t transform a mediocre relationship into a soulmate connection. You may settle down into a bland, mundane routine which is comforting to your need to be with someone but you remain thirsty for true connection and soul deep intimacy. 

You should be really careful with your emotions. Don’t waste them on people that you know you don’t belong with. Don’t open your heart to someone who will never appreciate its greatness or see you for the awesome amazing being that you are.

Sometimes even the mere idea of being in a relationship can be so strong and alluring that we end up with someone who we know is the wrong person for us, but we decide to give them a chance because we want to be in a relationship.

We should all take a moment and reflect on our lives and our decisions. Being single is an amazing thing. You can do so many things that can fulfill you even more than a relationship with someone whose soul is not vibrating on the same level as yours.

Stay single until you find someone whose soul matches yours. It is hard to retain the belief in true love but just have faith that if it burns in your heart... it burns in someone else's heart as well. And when you touch your heart and feel the bliss of love, you will never be truly satisfied with anything less.

Bless the world... by being a blessing

The spark in your eyes
The smile in your face
The tone of your voice
The touch of your hand
The way you walk
The way you talk
The way you love to love
The way you sing and dance
The way you make romance
The way you roar and soar
The way you laugh at pain and misery
The way you solve all mysteries
The way you discover your inner self
The way you shine your inner light
The way you show the way when all is lost
The way you arrive with all you got
And offer everyone your higher thoughts
The way you offer gratitude
for all to see and hear
The way you are sincere honest decent
authentic for real Genuine and true
Yes it is a blessing to be a blessing...

The wound is the place where the light enters

you said Rumi.

The cause of the wound be it divorce, disease or the death of a loved one is also the moment where you have a choice.
To feel sorry for your self, to feel like a victim, to live in the darkness.

Or......embrace life, see your wound as a chance to make changes, be positive and start and see this beautiful world through new eyes. Surround your self in the light.

Layer by layer start shedding your conditioning and beliefs imposed by culture and other people.

As you break your self open becoming vulnerable, more and more light flows in.

Delve in to your deepest sub conscious release, release, release.

Feel the old emotions,
You no longer need them,
Give them a hug then let them float away. This space is needed for the bliss, the joy, the light.

Feel the light take you by the hand and guide you.

It will take you to places where happiness brings tears to your eyes. Where love engulf's you and never lets you go.

Listen, feel, see.

The light is all around you.

It always was.

It was just waiting for the wound so it could enter you.

The light now shines from you

You are the light~

Whispers of a broken heart... which loves and loves and loves!! Always!!

True love is what it means to break against one another,

To shatter into pieces that fit together.

Love is the surrender of safety in the arms of a lover,
And to fear not being broken forever.

Love is the sweet pain that you feel when they are near,

It is the entirety of your words that shed a smiling tear.

Love is the sweeping flight of birds in the sky,

It is the knowing you see when you gaze in their eyes.

Love is the reflection of your self in the mirror,

It is the acceptance of beauty in the flaws that you fear.

True love speaks from the soul and not from the heart,

It knows that two can be one even when they are apart.

Every act of love raises the vibration of all the energy in the universe. And making love is a wonderful way to raise your own. When you are truly with another person and their body and soul, when you dont think of being physical only as a means to "relax" or a be used at the end of a day as a sleeping pill, when you love someone so much that you just want to give them so much pleasure, when you realise just how healing, empowering and humbling touch is, when you realise that it is your emotional and mental frequency that raises sex to another realm, when you truly absorb the idea of making love. When you allow yourself to be this vulnerable to your own emotions, when you know you dont need to fear your desires or needs because if born out of true intention, they will never lead you astray, when you embrace your sensuality and know just how important discernment is when choosing who to allow into your lives... when you realise this you will love making love and will be able to balance your desires. You may go without sex for years because you know its anything but casual. Sex is a part of your spiritual life, it is sacred. Sex is not obscene, not pornographic, not to be condemned, not to be repressed, but immensely respected, because we are born out of it. It is the energy and dance of creation.

I LOVE YOU!

I love you.
It's not a weight you must carry around.
I love you.
It's not a box that holds you in.
I love you.
It's not a standard you have to bear.
I love you.
It's not a sacrifice I make.
I love you.
It's not a pedestal you are frozen upon.
I love you.
It's not an expectation of perfection.
I love you.
It's not my life's whole purpose (or yours).
I love you.
It's not to make you change.
I love you.
It's not even to make you love me.
I love you.
It's as pure and simple as that.

I LOVE YOU!

Mind lives on more. Misery starts with "more and more". Misery makes you dense and gross. Self is subtle. To go from gross to subtle you go through the finest relative... the atom. To overcome aversion, hatred, jealousy, attraction or entanglements, you have to go to the atom. Going to the atom means accepting a teeny tiny bit of all this.

It may be difficult to accept something that you don't like but you can definitely accept a teeny tiny bit (an atom) of it. The moment you accept that one atom, you will see change happen. This has to be done in a meditative state. Suppose you love someone. You want more and more of them. Yet there is no fulfilment. In Anu Vrat (the vow of an atom), you take just one atom of that person and that is enough to bring fulfilment to you.

Though the river is vast, a little sip quenches your thirst. Though Earth has so much food, just a little bite satisfies your hunger. All that you need is teeny tiny bits. Accept a teeny tiny bit of everything in life, that will bring you fulfilment.

"KATRA MILA JO TERE DARR PER SE MERE MAALIK" 

WHEN YOU STOP RUNNING AWAY

If you sit

just long enough

with sadness, fear or longing

or some strange energy or urge you can’t even name

if you sit in a place of no hope and no expectation

if you open your heart wide in meditation

the sadness eventually softens

the fear becomes intimate

its imagined edges and boundaries dissolving into the vastness

and it reveals its deep intelligence and benevolent nature

for at the core of everything we run away from

is everything we long for

but we’ll never know

if we keep

running.

As a wise woman said, if we can free our love of greed, our broken sweet heart may become a force for service, rather than selfishness.⠀
⠀
May our relationships teach us.⠀⠀
May we aim to awaken, instead of merely defending our confusion.⠀
May our intention in love be to benefit all, and not merely to get what we want.⠀
May our love life be gentle, and honest, even when it can not be fun, or happy.⠀
⠀
True love is borne in correct intention.⠀

My beautiful stranger (my last post for you) I love you...

So, the time has come for me to say goodbye to my dream... a dream of a life with my love by my side.

I know now that you don't choose me. And I respect that....

My love for you will always remain because it is beyond the desire to be with you.

I now know love chooses us... as I didn't do anything to make myself love you, it just happened.

I saw you and you made me come alive...

Each time I looked at you, I saw beauty, goodness and grace. I saw a beautiful heart and soul worthy of love and devotion.

Each time I will see you now, I will see the same...

I hope you know my wish for you is to be eternally happy and radiant.

I hope you know that each time I averted my eyes and not look at you, it was to keep dignity in place, yours and mine. The Place where we met was always crowded and had its own dignity  to be thought of. But I was always aware of you, where you were standing or sitting. Love has its own flow and fragrance and the thought of what I feel for you being seen by others and being mocked or ridiculed made me try and hide it. I still try and hide it... but somehow I know it reaches you.

If it does, my dearest heart, don't let it ever disturb you... let it just rest around you like a soft bubble
nourishing you.

There was a time, as fleeting as a heart beat, when it felt like you saw me and I glowed and hope filled my heart.

But it was not to be.

That is not to say my heart does not ache... it is broken but with love that thought it had found its place. Now it fills my heart with a dull ache and it will hurt to even breath for a long time. For a while, I will wonder what to do with this body as in my thoughts, I had given myself to you...

I ache to think that I will never get to hold your beautiful hands and kiss your palms.

But I will get through it as my strength will come from the purity of my intention and thought.

Now I will love you silently and from afar.... always praying for your well-being and happiness. May your life be filled with sunshine, joy, moments of delight. May you reach for the stars and get them...

I will always love you, my beautiful beautiful stranger, I will always love you.

Be love, be light and be joy!

You will always rest in the depths of my heart and soul.

The Biggest of Unkind Lies You Tell Yourself.
That how you are not good enough. That you are not enough. That no matter how much you do you somehow always fall short. That you have to be perfect to become whole. It is called SHAME.
That you are less in the eyes of God, Source, the Divine. That if you met a Master, or stood at the threshold of God and He/She looked at you, you would be found wanting. That though you would be in the Presence of Pure Love that you would not be "ready" to receive and be totally enfolded and be able to meld into such Lovingness because of something you have done or did not do.
That you are not deserving. And from the moment you chose to walk in density and feel disconnected from Source you felt this SHAME of somehow always being less than what you knew in your Soul was the Truth. And you can see the deservability for others but refuse to claim it totally for yourself.
And for men it can easily be seen in their great fear of appearing weak, while for women it is do it all, do it well, and never let them see you down.
It is the unattainable conflicting expectations of who you are supposed to be. But the experience of Shame is the same for both genders.
And how can I prove to you that this is not the case Precious Soul?
How can I convince you that you are Loved beyond words and that this has always been so, no matter what you have chosen to experience in all eternity?
I cannot but I can say to you that you have to claim your Lovingness and Lovability above all else in your experience of yourself until it becomes the background of all your Knowingness. And I have to tell you that the dissolving of shame comes in your courage to be vulnerable and to share the strength and self-honour you will find through this laying bare the Golden Heart of You.

I So Love You.
***************************
You ARE Love Incarnate And when you can surrender totally to this fact then Your Divine Beingness enters more clearly and profoundly into your body and every aspect of your consciousness.
How much of your Higher Divine SELF are you willing to claim? It All (YOU) is simply waiting in order to come closer, Loving You all the while.

A person's definition of "success" depends on their level of consciousness. As people become more conscious, their perspective and goals will radically change to become more expansive and inclusive.

This can be a scary and uncomfortable transition in a world that pressures people to perform in the old paradigm to survive, especially when they have children to provide for. But as you change your lifestyle and mentality to move from:

"Monkey-mind Success" = increase of material possessions, social status, power to control others, ego-worship, externally-oriented values.

...to a more conscious concept to success...

"Soul Success" = Being healthy, gaining awareness, healing, living sustainably with nature, empowering others, seeing beauty in everything, boundary dissolusion, internally-oriented values

...life will meet you to provide the support you need when you overcome your fear and let go of the old paradigm.

As unhealthy friends fall away, healthier ones will come in to your life with the key to help you unlock the next level of your development. New books will come in to your life at the right moment for you to read. A new job or home will come along to provide the support you need to keep going in your self-development.

Life rewards those who have the courage to become more conscious by giving them what is needed (not necessarily what they want) to become better people and help others to uplift the world on a fundamental level. And THAT is the ultimate "success".~

My beautiful stranger... I love you!

I hide you in every letter.
In every word, In every poem.
In every smile, in every breath...
Hoping someday, you will find your reflection there.

And...suddenly You feel it.

You become so present, so activated, and so alive... that you can hear everyone breathe around you.

You feel like the whole Universe is inside you, right there where your Heart is supposed to be.

You know you are safe, you are loved and protected!
You can do and be anything you wish!
You can jump from one reality to another, if that is what You choose.

You suddenly know there is more to You than could ever be humanly comprehended.
You begin to believe in what is "You." You see everything so clear.
It is all about You!
You are the center of the Universe, you are the vortex, you are the mystery... you are IT!
You are a cosmic being, pure and eternal... dancing human for a while.
You can dress your humanness - vibration, thoughts and words - any way you wish.
You have the power. You are the one in charge.

You feel timeless, unlimited and FREE.
You are a Spirit.
Your very presence here is a gift!

You feel this powerful release.
You begin to trust that everything is just the way it should be, and it is unfolding just for you.
You realize that you know nothing and feel everything.
You see clearly - You are responsible only for the vibrational value of You.

You feel connected to all the others.
You see the Universe in every one of us.
You feel the souls smiling at you from everywhere... everyone is on their own paths.
You see humanity awaken.
You see hearts open and minds - free.
You hear the sweet promise of another era, you feel - it is gently hugging the Earth.

You hear the new music playing, and kids laughing, you see flowers blooming and butterflies dancing, you see us all living in Harmony and Love.
... and suddenly you feel so fortunate, so privileged, so grateful to be alive. 

First become alone. First start enjoying yourself. First love yourself. First become so authentically happy that if nobody comes it doesn't matter; you are full, overflowing. If nobody knocks at your door it is perfectly okay -- you are not missing. You are not waiting for somebody to come and knock at the door. You are at home. If somebody comes, good, beautiful. If nobody comes, that too is beautiful and good.
THEN move into relationship. Now you move like a master, not like a beggar. Now you move like an emperor, not like a beggar. And the person who has lived in his aloneness will always be attracted to another person who is also living his aloneness beautifully, because the same attracts the same. When two masters meet -- masters of their being, of their aloneness -- happiness is not just added, it is multiplied. It becomes a tremendous phenomenon of celebration. And they don't exploit, they share. They don't use each other. Rather, on the contrary, they both become one and enjoy the existence that surrounds them.

Signs that you are becoming more aligned with the Divine:

• Ambition, vital desires (based on wounds/conditioning), vanity, the need for attention - to be “liked” or “desired”, the notion and pressure to “become” something/someone, any comparison/competition with others, or even “dislike” of others all fall slowly away, as do any triggers and reactive behaviors.

• A deep and embodied sense of peace and trust, of faith and “being taken care of” (as in trusting the flow of life), knowing that any challenge that will come up serves as a deeper lesson for the purpose of a true awakening.

• It is the end of fear and blame, the death of ego-identification, and re-birth of the real “I AM” – embodied spirit (soul individualization) – expressing itself uniquely through “you”, connected to all that is.

• Will-full doing dissipates, to be replaced by an embodied responding to what is – and what life brings – that is uniquely tuned to your soul lessons and talents; it guides you from an embodied inner place without expectations and attachment to outcome.

• Goal setting and ambition are replaced by a quiet aspiration with intentions but without expectations or need to control.

• Making choices and decisions don’t stem from a thought process anymore or any head-centric analysis of “should” or “shouldn’t”, but emerge from a gut-level of nonverbal intuitive knowing, deeply tuned in with your soul and the Divine.

• Life becomes like a dance in the river of life as we don’t fight the current anymore, being in the “zone”, locked into the rhythm of life (Tao), aligned with Divine Will.

Contrary to popular beliefs, this awakened state is not a constant feeling of “bliss” or ecstasy (even though there can be peak experiences like that), nor is it a “feeling” of love or happiness. It really transcends anything we usually experience in ordinary consciousness states that are related to emotions and feelings. Ultimately, it transcends the duality of pain and pleasure, happiness and suffering. There is a deeper, silent contentment, a grounded calmness and sense of peace, not depending on any external circumstances… a sense of slowing down and simplifying.

It’s a place of true freedom. Thoughts may still come and try to attach themselves, but it becomes easier to detach from them – to release from believing in them or identifying with them. This sense of deteachmment is, however, not an intellectual form of dissociating, but an embodied recognition of one’s true nature in contrast to the illusion of thought (and who we “think” we are).

One recognizes that the mind is just a tool, a servant, but not be looked upon as the master/guide. It’s not about demonizing the intellect either, for it needs to go through its own transmutation to become an instrument for the Divine, accessing higher knowledge (Gnosis) beyond the five senses. We can also still “use” it in practical ways to live out our daily routines, since we didn’t just “check out” of our existence here on Earth; on the contrary, we are more involved with reality – more embodied and fully-embracing of life – and whatever this dance may bring in full conscious participation with the rhythms of life, we will participate in…without attachment and will-full doing. 

My beautiful stranger ... I LOVE YOU!

I pulled a thorn from the fence of 

His garden, 

and it has not stopped working 

its way into my heart.

One morning a little of His wine 

turned my heart into a lion hunter.

It’s right that this separation He 

helped me feel 

lurks like a monster within my heart. 

Yet heaven’s wild and unbroken colt 

was trained by the hand of His love. 

Though reason is learned and 

has its honors, 

it pawned its cap and robes for a 

cup of love.

Many hearts have sought refuge 

from this love, 

but it drags and pulls them to its own refuge.

~ Rumi 

(THE PULL OF LOVE )

From The Pocket Rumi, 

Translated by Kabir Helminski. 

(Shambhala, 2001)

One thing that is a very common misconception, is that when you have been freed of the character there is a belief that the character no longer goes into contraction. That there is no longer distress that is happening from that point of reference. But this is not the case. It is just that you are freed from the illusion that you have anything to do with that. Thus there is a living in unbroken joy. Even at the times when the appearance of the character appears to be in misery - it's just that you are no longer in misery because the erosion of opening and closing has eroded enough that eventually there is just nothing left.

You know when rock is eroded into sand, every granual of sand it looks the same. It loses it's uniquness.

Rocks are all unique. But the sand is not unique at all. You do not notice a grain of sand you notice the beach. The thing about a beach is that everybody is drawn to the beach. When you step your foot in the sand it yields to your footprint. It yields to your weight. To lie on it feels so beautiful because all such individual expression has been worn into nothing.

What can injure nothing? What do every-changing states - what relationship does that have with nothing? Something known as you struggles to be nothing and it is a holy struggle - but eventually it wears itself out. And you, like the sand, yield to everything. And everything comes to lay upon you. The thing about the erosion process - is that it is inevitable. If there is small rock and it is on the beach on the shoreline - the erosion process is inevitable. In the play of time the rock is eroded - in the perfect time.

Devotion is devotion to everything. It is not devotion to waking up. It is devotion to the Beloved. And the Beloved is the expression of every single thing. Everything. The thing about it is the individual is not capable. But it is the wisdom that wears the experience of something into nothing. And then what is discovered is that the nature of the Self is in complete surrender and yielding, to Itself. Love is in complete yielding and surrender to Itself. True Power is in complete surrender and yielding, to Itself.

MASTER PLAN

Sometimes you don’t need 
to have a Master Plan.
You can trust in your Not Knowing instead.

Sometimes you just need
to take the next step.
A small step.
Into safety.
Or into the wilderness.

Trust. Breathe.
The great Master Plan unfolds
with each tiny step you take.

LOVE!

Who can deny
the miracle of finding each other
in this maze of 7.6 billion humans?

Who can understand 
just how amazing
this is?

Kismet. Destiny.
A field of possibilities.

I see the Beloved
in your eyes,

I watch the Beloved
in your embrace,

I feel the Beloved
in your touch,

You and I
and the Beloved,
One.

VINCENT by Ashe Vernon

" When they talk about the tortured genius,
somebody always brings up Van Gogh—
how he swallowed yellow paint because
he wanted to put the sunshine inside himself.
How his psychosis was probably
the result of lead poisoning.
They call him a miracle, but what I see is a man
who was so sad, he found a beautiful way
to kill himself.

They say, “it’s awful isn’t it?” They say,
“It’s always the talented ones who go before their time.”
And me, a nine year old kid
who’s always been told they were so
talented
wonders when I am going to die.

We study them in school, the tortured artists.
Look at all the poets who killed themselves
what would their work have been without their depression?
It’s it beautiful, isn’t it sad?
As if depression is a parlor trick—
pull it out at parties, impress all your friends.
As if depression isn’t seeing how long
you can go between showers
before somebody notices or
pizza rolls for dinner three nights in a row
and then nothing the night after,
because going to the store is an impossibility
that you have not yet gathered the courage to conquer.

It is the least beautiful thing I’ve ever seen
and we call it the mark of an artist
to stand in the center of an ocean
and see nothing but desert.
To be seated at a feast, but still
swallowing sand.

Depression is the yellow paint, the yellow paint,
The yellow paint, the yellow paint—

Art is a coping mechanism.
Van Gogh is good because when he had nothing,
he had paint. When he was empty, he had paint.
When the world was awful, he had paint.
When he hated himself, he didn’t hate the paint.
He whitewashed over his own masterpieces,
because it was never about being famous,
it was about doing the one thing
that made sense when everything else didn’t.

And they say, “without his illness, we
never would have gotten all—this.”
because they value his art more than his sanity
because god forbid you lead a happy life
and leave nothing to remember you by."

Unbounded

It is such an impossible task to describe the recognition of the Self, the Beloved, in everything. The recognition of that to which the devotion is so wildly alive and the realization that it is infusing and animating absolutely everything. Meaning that the appearance of the individual is no longer an experience of the individual, but the experience is relationship with the Beloved. Not a concept - a realization of what is. And then the flavor of all relationship is the flavor of pure devotion. And it just builds upon itself.

The appearance of everything that seemed separate - this is dispelled. And the beauty of the Union is what is felt. And it is all immersed in this infinite ocean of Pure Love. Just to feel the boundless nature of the heart. The nature is so simple, it is so joyous, it’s so beautiful.

And then there is this reverence - for absolutely everything. You can no longer find yourself and yet you are in complete devotion and surrender to that which cannot be spoken. Sense of doership falls away - and yet at the same time - you are in complete submission to the Wisdom out of which the whole dream arises from. And the heart is so unencumbered and alive. And it is all just Love meeting Itself. Love receiving Itself, Love yielding to Itself, Guiding Itself. Taking care of Itself.

The habit of living out of a point of reference just melts away as the relaxation into the omnipresent nature of the heart is fallen into more and more. It is the nature of your purity. Pure humility - it is the nature of your purity. Unending reverence is the by-product and the flavor is the love that is eternally everywhere.