Meaningless

I have personally been through a very rough patch, devastating, infact. I lost my husband, my elder brother in a span of 5 months. They were both less than 40. Some other problems also cropped at the same time. In short, my life just seemed to spiral out of control. I ended up in a city I didn’t know, a place where I had no friends, in a situation where I felt totally helpless. I just did not know what to do with my time or myself.
What I did was “face” what had happened. It is easier said than done. I didn’t want to admit that just after 3 years of bliss, my husband had died or my elder brother who was like a roof over my head, had died as well. Notice that I say “die” not passed away, or moved on. Saying this even to myself was very difficult. But it was the truth, right? No point in shutting it out… there is NO way one can shut truth out. It creeps in through cracks, in bits and pieces, in shapes and forms that leave one feeling worse. Much better to let it in, and wash over you, in its entirety. Believe me, this “allowing” self to feel is a huge step towards moving on. I shut myself out. I cried. I stayed in darkness. I grieved. I fought with God. But, at the back of my mind, I was just strengthening my self to rise up, stronger and sure of myself. You know, one reads about the power of free will and choice, but till realization sets in, the concept remains just that, a concept.

Today, as I write this, I smile because I know now that the so-called meaningless things in life have more meaning for the one who can see. We all go through life, conditioned by society, family about what has meaning… a career, a beautiful home, money, to be able to travel to exotic places, and you CANNOT be single! (What’s wrong with you? Aren’t you seeing anyone? Sounds familiar?)… We hear it so much, read about it in glossies, see perfection sashay down ramps on TV, see people leading a lifestyle that one can only aspire towards. Somewhere, somehow, we start believing that OUR life the way it is is not good enough. We are not good-looking enough, fit enough, rich enough, interesting enough… and we cry inside, screaming “enough is enough”, yet no one hears, sometimes, even we don’t hear our “self” calling out…
And then, life is a drag; one feels like Atlas twice over, sucked in a dark vortex, wondering how to deal with it.
Here’s how: Let yourself feel, let yourself go, dive straight in the dark dank waters of negative thoughts. You need to confront each of these, before you can let go. I liken it to crossing a river; you need to swim across to know the depths, to understand the nature of the river. If you build a bridge, or row across in a boat, you will get to the other side, but without knowing what the river is like. I hope my example is clear. In short, embrace something close so that you can let it go. Paradoxical? Yes! But so is life!


Learn to reach out to others. There is NOTHING that has happened to you that hasn’t to anyone else and it will happen again to someone. You are not alone in your moment of happiness or pain. But its just that, a moment. And last but not the least, be grateful to life, to God, to everyone, even those people who hurt you or gave up on you, they enriched your life’s experience in their own way. After all, can one just survive on sweets? You need a balance. Is night anything without day and does day have any meaning without night? Remember to be grateful for this balance in your life. Treat everything in life as a lesson. Learn to ask yourself when in any situation, what can I learn from this? Believe me, you will find something! I am a different person today. I keep busy, am peaceful and like waking up in the mornings! I don’t have any secret formula to share with you, or some magical chant or potion. It’s just that I have changed my definition of what has meaning for me. A smile on a stranger’s face, the green of the leaves, the sky with its multi hued patterns, even a lone flowerpot on someone’s windowsill makes me smile. Life is beautiful, indeed, even with all its broken dreams and rough rides.