Sometimes we speak not because we have anything important or authentic or heartfelt to say, not because we even want to talk, but because we feel uncomfortable, nervous, anxious about not talking. We speak in order to avoid the void, distract from the extraordinary absence at the heart of life. Many people in the modern world find even a few moments of silence in a conversation awkward, uncomfortable, even embarrassing.
It doesn’t have to be this way. In some Native American cultures, it's usual to wait up to several minutes before responding to a question, or taking one’s turn in a conversation. Replying too soon is considered rude. You obviously haven't truly listened to what the other person is saying.
So...
Slow down, friend. Get out of your head and into your body. Take a few moments to just feel your feelings in a conversation. Let yourself feel awkward in the silence if you must! So what? It’s just a sensation, it won't hurt you, and the silence will hold it anyway.
Take the risk that the other person will pick up on your feelings of awkwardness or think that you're boring or weird. Hey, at least you are real. At least you aren’t hiding behind a wall of words. At least you are trying to connect in a deeper way. At least you have the courage to feel and not distract yourself.
Bring some space into your conversations today. Listen. Wait. Respond from presence. Let the conversation breathe.
Remember, our deepest connections are always made in silence. Witness a mother rocking her baby to sleep, two old friends or lovers, a simple walk in nature. Words are not actually necessary at all for us to feel each other, know each other, understand each other very deeply.
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